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我是誰？ 薪人譯自 |
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我是誰？人常說：
我步出牢房，
從容、愉快、堅定地好似紳士邁出豪宅。
我是誰？人常說：
我和獄官說話， 自在、友善、清晰地像在發號施令。我是誰？人又說：
我忍受苦難， 平靜、微笑、驕傲地像個得勝者。我真是人們所說的那樣嗎？
還是只有自己心裡明白？
我不過像一隻龍中鳥，
不安、饑渴、軟弱，
好似被人掐住喉嚨，
為呼吸而掙扎。
我想念色彩、花朵、鳥語；
我奢望安慰的話語和同伴的愛憐；
我痛恨獨裁和心胸狹窄；
我搖擺不定、期待大事降臨；
思念千里之隔的朋友，
卻只能無力地顫慄；我的禱告、我的思想、我的舉動
都令人厭煩、都是虛空；我虛弱地想隨時告別一切。
我是誰？
究竟哪一個才是真實的我？
今天一個樣子，明天另一副德行？
或者我同時具備雙重人格？
人前假冒偽善，
人後是卑劣、寒酸的懦夫？
或者在我心深處，
我仍像打敗仗的軍隊，
正從已經得勝的戰場潰逃？
我是誰？
嘲弄著我的，是自己這些孤獨的問題。
不論我究竟是誰，
神啊，你知道：我是屬你。
Who am I?
They often tell me I would step from my cell's confinement calmly,cheerfully, firmly, like a squire from his country-house.Who am I? They often tell me I would talk to my warden freely and friendly and clearly, as though it were mine to command.
Who am I?
They also tell me I would bear the days of misfortune equably, smilingly, proudly, like one accustomed to win.Am I then really all that which other men tell of, or am I only what I know of myself, restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness, trembling with anger at despotisms and petty humiliation, tossing in expectation of great events, powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance, weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, faint and ready to say farewell to it all.
Who am I?
This or the other? Am I one person today, and tomorrow another? Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?Or is something within me still like a beaten army, fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I?
They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine.